A Woman’s First Pregnancy
The following is a letter written to the parents of a young pregnant woman who was going through a difficult stage in her marriage. In the postscript of the letter, dealing with the idea of aborting the fetus, the Rebbe gives a fresh perspective for this particular case on why one should reconsider such an option explaining, that a woman's first pregnancy is a very sensitive time and the effects of abortion in such a case can negatively affect the woman:The letter:
By the Grace of G-d
Erev Shabbos Kodesh Zachor
12th of Adar Sheni, 5744
Brooklyn, N.Y.
Hon. ..
New York N.Y.
Greeting and Blessing:
Your letter reached me this morning. Though it is Erev Shabbos, Erev Purim, I have hastened my reply, because of the subject matter, especially as it involves a mother's concern for her daughter.
To begin with the essential point, namely, my answer to the daughter's question was to the effect that she should follow the psychiatrist's advice. It certainly was not, G-d forbid, an attempt at evasion. It was based on common sense, since the psychiatrist would, in my opinion, be the only qualified person to give advice on the basis of his knowledge and experience. My answer was based on the directives of the Torah that one should be cognizant of one's responsibility to give the proper advice after due deliberation of all the factors involved.
In light of the above:
1. Insofar as I know the daughter from her correspondence, as well as her husband, it is my opinion that the solution you suggest to do now (a) will certainly cause a shock and trauma, probably accompanied by a feeling of guilt on the part of the daughter; (b) as to how long the traumatic state would last - this would be difficult to assess, even for a psychiatrist.
2. I am surprised to note from your letter that the daughter knew nothing about the health of her husband. I beg to differ; for I have strong reasons to believe that although she may not have been aware of all specific details, she was aware that he had a health problem, etc.
3. No doubt you know, and certainly, doctors know that the health condition in question affects people in different ways; with a great many people it is transient; in the case of many others it takes the form of "ups and downs," with a wide range in the form and duration of the "downs.
4. From the daughter's writing to me-though am not at liberty to divulge anything of a Confidential nature -I can say this much that she "still" has a feeling towards her husband and more, is in love with him. Therefore, even assuming that the traumatic state and guilt feeling would eventually be overcome (without a trace?), it is very likely that when she hears that he has recovered, or at any rate, that the "down" state improved substantially, it would reawaken her guilt feeling, with all its consequences.
5. All the above considerations assume an even greater weight in view of the fact that she is carrying her husband's child, which of course, adds a new dimension to the whole situation.
Much more can be said in regard to the situation, but I trust that the above will suffice to explain to you why I cannot take upon myself the responsibility of advising her on the solution which you suggest in your letter and why I think a psychiatrist would be the only suitable person to assess the situation and to recommend a course of action that would be most advisable, considering all the factors.
With prayerful wishes for a joyous and inspiring Purim to you and all yours and,
With esteem and blessing,
P.S.
What follows below is really self-evident. However, in order not to leave even a shadow of a doubt in the most important matter, I must add the following lines.
I am referring to the question that has been raised about aborting the pregnancy. My reaction is as follows: In addition to this being a most serious Issur according to our Torah, Toras Chaim, one must remember that when the matter concerns your wife in her first pregnancy, especially a person to whom the blessing of children is one of the greatest Divine blessings, particularly when a child is conceived and born Kdas Moshe v'Yisroel- who can take the responsibility to advise her, G-d forbid, to destroy, with her own hands so to speak, the child she is carrying in her womb?
To conclude in the spirit of Purim, just as when for the Jews there was - in the words of the Megillah "Light, joy, gladness and honor" as we recall these words every Motzoei Shabbos, adding "So be it for us"-may this indeed be so for all concerned, in the midst of all the Jewish people.
The Letter & The Spirit 5, pg. 120
Tell Them the Truth the Way it Is!
In response to parents trying to convince their daughter to have an abortion, the Rebbe responded that they should be told the truth the way it is. Aborting the fetus will be their daughter killing her child and them killing their grandchild!מענה לא' שכתב ע"ד בני זוג הדורשים מבתם לבצע הפלה ר"ל:
ט' אייר תשד"מ לדבר על לבם האמת כמו שהיא – שדרישת הורי' לעשות הפלה היא כפשוטה – שהבת תי' תהרוג ר"ל את ילדה. והם – יהרגו את הנכד שלהם ר"ל ועד סוף ימי חייהם יוחקק בנשמת כאו"א מהם שעשו זה. ובודאי ישללו הנ"ל בהחלט. אזכיר עה"צ.
(לקו"ש חכ"ד ע' 430)
The previous individual wrote to the Rebbe again, to which the Rebbe responded sharply:י"ג אייר תשד"מ יאמר לו אותם הדברים ובהוספה שע"פ הנ"ל הוא המסית ר"ל עוד כו"כ לרצוח כו'. ומסיימים בטוב. אזכיר עה"צ.
(לקו"ש חכ"ד ע' 430)
The Halacha varies in context of levels of danger to the mother and stage of the pregnancy.
Therefore, it is imperative to consult a Rov in all cases, whether is seems to be a case where one should be maikel or machmir.